


I know who I am and where I want to be

by DynaEvangeline



Series: AtomWave drabbles [1]
Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: DominantMick! SubRay! AtomWave EstablishedColdWave, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-16
Updated: 2016-11-16
Packaged: 2018-08-30 20:45:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,974
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8548537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DynaEvangeline/pseuds/DynaEvangeline
Summary: After the events of Compromised, Ray takes the time to consider who he really is and what he wants. The answer isn't a simple one like he expected and he's concerned how the other party involved may feel. It doesn't hurt to find out and in the end its the best thing for both of them. 
Or 
First time AtomWave, mostly smut with somewhat of a plot and some mentions of Coldwave because I couldn't help myself.





	

"Through the act of living we discover who we really are." 

Martin's words rang through Ray's mind even after he had diffused the bomb and after Mick and him had gone their own ways once back on the waverider. He had put the cold gun back together and had it sitting on the dresser near where he was pacing. Ray had been pacing for about the last half hour, stopping every once and a while to sit down and rub his palms into his temples in frustration. Ray had been deciding this whole time who is he was, who he wanted to be. Mick told him to be himself but he didn't really know anymore what that was and what that entailed. He knew he could never be Snart and it had been so foolish for him to try(though the jacket had been really nice fitting so he had kept it) but there was still a part of him that didn't know who he was. Yes he was smart, and his life had always revolved around that and so had his love life...at least so far. Seeing Mick accepting him had sparked something he was curious about. Something that he wasn't sure he had felt for anyone like Mick before. He thought there might be something there for Mick as well...or so he was hoping. He knew that with Snart, they had a bond stronger than anything Ray had seen between two people and he was jealous of that. 

Ray had noticed his feelings for the pyromaniac a lot earlier but he had no plans on acting on them before now. Now seemed a better time, now there wasn't anything stopping him, and MIck was more likely to talk with him now that he had been before. Before he had all but ignored him, now was different and there wasn't going to be a better time for this.

Sitting down again, and tapping his fingers on his knees, he nodded once and got to his feet. Grabbing Snart's jacket and pulling it on as he walked down to Mick's room, his hand pausing for a split second before knocking on the door. The door opened and Ray taking a breath, stepped in and looking over to see Mick sitting against the wall near the bed, his heat gun in his lap as he worked on it. "Always busy huh? Got time to take a break and talk?" Ray chuckled nervously and was mentally hitting himself as he took a couple steps into the room. Mick looked over at him before focusing back on what he was doing and Ray took that as an invitation and came over and sat down next to him. Mick was trying hard to pay too much attention, especially since he noticed that Ray was wearing Snart's jacket again and that was bringing up some hard feelings about his old partner. Mick didn't handle feelings well and it seemed that Ray had exactly the plan of talking about them...Mick could tell just by the way Ray was looking at him.

"If you are going to talk haircut, then talk...If not then I'm busy." 

"Right, sorry um....I have been thinking..." Ray cut off when Mick sighed putting his gun down and turning to look over at Ray, arching a brow at him. "Okay yes I know I always am but I've been thinking about somethings in particular, particularly about who I want to be. Before you start I know I'm Ray Palmer but that doesn't entail what it used to. So I cam to a sort of decision and now I need your opinion on it." Ray avoided looking at Mick and focused on looking at his hands but he could feel Mick's eyes on him before the pyro spoke. 

"What do you need my opinion for? I've already told you just to be yourself, that's still true. I haven't changed my mind about that."

"Right, yeah no I know. I'm doing that...being me that is and well me has come to a decision about something a little bit more personal and that's why I need your opinion. I want to be your partner, you said you were looking and I hope that I haven't messed this up already because I want to do this but I want it to be more than just 'partners'." The words spilled past his lips and he chuckled nervously as he tried to slow down and speak slower. "I know that I'm not Leonard and I don't want to be. I have no plan of replacing him. He was important to you and I don't want to tarnish that. I'm just asking to be something new with you." Mick's eyes narrowed at him slightly when he used Snart's first name and for a second and he thought he had went to far before Mick scoffed softly, a small smile gracing his lips.

"Is that why you are wearing his jacket? Cause that sort of makes it seem like you are trying to replace him." 

"Oh no, well I thought it looked good on me. I can take it off if you want...yeah I'll just..." Ray moved quickly, to tug the jacket off before Mick put his hand on his arm to stop him. He had only been teasing, after all it was just a jacket and if you could trust him with the cold gun then the jacket was just fine too.

"Keep it on, your right. It does look good on you. Be a shame to waste the opportunity to take it off of your myself." Ray looked over at Mick, and started to blush when his words sunk in and the grin on Mick's face got wider, making Ray's face go darker. "I thought that was what you were asking for? Or was I wrong?"

"And you are okay with that? Are you sure because it won't hurt my feelings if you don't want to." 

"You talk too much haircut." Mick grabbed the front of the jacket with his other hand and pulled Ray into a kiss, trying to be gentle but still forceful enough to get the point across. Ray didn't waste more time and leaned into the kiss, his hands moving to grip Mick's arms as he timidly ran his tongue over Mick's bottom lip. This was all it took to give Mick permission and he pulled Ray to his feet, pushing him down on his back on the bed and leaning over him. Lips back against his, sliding his tongue past the surprised lips of Ray and tangling their tongues together. Ray moaned softly, hands gripping at the pyro's arms, fingers digging into hard muscle. Breathing heavily when Mick pulled back, Ray looked up at him, and Mick had to admit the sight was something to admire. A light haze in the younger's eyes and his lips red and chapped from the rough kiss and a lazy smile adorning his face. "Enjoying yourself?"

"Yeah, yeah I am." Ray traced his fingers up Mick's shoulder, tugging the suspenders down before moving his hands down to tug Mick's shirt up and over his head. Tossing it onto the ground as he looked over Mick's chest and the array of scars and tattoos that decorated his skin. "Oh wow. These are beautiful!" Ray sat up pushing Mick back slightly so he could get a better look. Fingers tracing along the patterns that went from the man's chest and along his shoulder and down one arm. Before moving to look at the tattoo on his other shoulder and crawling around him trying to see the ones on his back. Mick watched as Ray crawled like a cat around him, and smacked his ass making Ray jump and squeak in a very undignified way. Sitting back on his heels, he rubbed his ass, giving Mick an opened mouthed expression. A sound half between a whine and a huff coming past his lips.

"What was that for?!" Key note, Ray had never been spanked by anyone in his life. Another note, he didn't mind it all as much as he would have assumed but it had certainly taken him by surprise.

"To get your attention...you can look and touch later, I was hoping we could focus on something a bit more physical at the moment." Mick reached forward, tugging the jacket off of Ray roughly, earning a gasp for his effort. Tugging his shirt over his head, Ray tossed it down on the floor with Mick's before reaching for his jeans. Fussing with the button, and tugging them off as well as his underwear to join his shirt on the floor. Looking over Mick had already taken his own off and was leaned back against the wall waiting for Ray. Who was looking Mick over with wide eyes. Being honest he had slept with men as more of an experiment in college. Yes he liked it, just as much as he liked women but none of the men he had slept with had looked like Mick. Mick was all muscle, everywhere and he had so many interesting scars that Ray was curious to learn the story behind. Mick was gorgeous, and Ray felt suddenly insecure. 

"Haircut, stop thinking. This doesn't require thinking." Mick's gruff voice pulled him out of his thoughts and he noticed the way Mick was looking at him, and he felt his face go very red. Apparently he didn't have a good reason to be insecure, because he very much doubted Mick looked at just anyone like that. Ray nodded and just gave in, he knew if he didn't he was going to overthink everything. Moving closer to him, Ray pressed his lips against Mick's and moved down along the pyro's neck and collar. Tongue chasing the tattoos down Mick's chest, slowly moving lower before wrapping his fingers around Mick's length. Stroking him a couple of times, brushing his thumb roughly over the head. Before taking him slowly into his mouth, eyes on Mick's face. Rough fingers went to the back of his head, gripping his hair tightly, Mick's hips rocking slowly into the warmth of Ray's mouth. Moaning low in his throat as Ray took him deeper, humming softly around him. His tongue working around Mick's girth, and up over the head every time Ray pulled back before coming back and taking him further into his mouth. 

"Fuck haircut, you are driving me crazy with that mouth of yours." Another tug of Ray's hair and the younger pulled back, and was pulled into a harsh kiss. Letting Mick dominate the kiss, he straddled the bigger man, moaning softly. Biting at Ray's lower lip hard enough to draw blood, Mick's hands moved down along his back. Dragging his nails along soft skin and down over the curve of his ass. Ray shivered, his tongue swiping out to his lip and tasting blood before leaning back into the kiss and running his hands down Mick's chest. Nails scratching over hard muscle as he enjoyed the sound he earned for that. 

"So you like it rough then?" His voice shook slightly, he wasn't opposed to it but it was a little more than nerve racking. 

"Yes...but if you aren't comforta-"

"No, no. I'm just...this is a bit different than what I'm used to. Not that I haven't been with men before because I have but you just...you're a big guy. I don't mean just like down there, I mean with the muscles and you are very imposing." Mick cuts Ray off, putting his hand over his mouth and giving him a look. Ray shut his mouth and Mick slowly pulls his hand back. 

"Listen...no talking just shut up and listen. Yes I like it rough but that doesn't mean I can't wait until you are ready for it. You think Lenny and I were just at each other roughly all the time...and before you answer...no. I can do gentle. Now...how do you want to do this?" Ray waited to make sure that Mick was done talking before opening his mouth. It took him a second to find the words, he honestly hadn't expected that from Mick. 

"I don't know. I've never really put any thought into it." Ray looked at Mick before deciding to push over that barrier he knew well enough Mick had up about Leonard but he was curious. They had been pretty quiet about their relationship but there was a fondness in Mick's eyes when he talked about him. He knew that the pyro missed him more than he wanted to admit and he was hoping that his pushing wouldn't ruin anything. "How was it with Len the first time?" His voice was quiet and he was partially hoping that Mick didn't hear him but from the look he got, he clearly did.

"Ray....Don't do that." He heard the warning in Mick's voice, after all it wasn't often that he used Ray's actual name. But Ray just wanted to push a little further, he honestly couldn't help himself. 

"Do what? Talk about Leonard? Why not, you guys were close...and you lost him and you should want to talk about it Mick." 

"Stop!" Mick said the one word with a deep and harsh tone to his voice before pushing Ray off of his lap and glaring over at him. Mick didn't want to have this conversation with anyone. He wanted to save his memories of Len and keep them to himself. Yes he liked Ray, he liked him more than he thought or he wouldn't have given him Len's gun or be here in this situation with him. But he had limits and talking about Len personally with him was one of them. "I don't need to talk about it, I don't need to be reminded of what I lost...I lost one of the most patient and understanding people in the world. The only person who didn't look at me and see a monster because of the mistakes I made! He was everything to me and now he's gone and I don't get to have him back!" Mick clenched his fist, gripping the sheets underneath his hand hard as he tried to take a deep breath. He wasn't mad at Ray, just didn't know how to handle that much pain. 

"Sorry, I shouldn't have said anything. I..." Ray stopped, not knowing what to say. He hadn't thought about how much it must hurt, or that Mick was handling it differently than someone else would. He understood that pain, and he had still pushed at him. Quietly, Ray slowly got off the bed and Mick grabbed his arm. 

"You don't need to do that. I'm not mad...and I don't want you to leave. Please I don't want you to leave, I need this more than you think." Mick's voice was softer, and Ray moved back to sit next to him, taking his hand gently and rubbing his thumb over his palm. The sigh he gave was enough to know that it was relaxing. "The first time with Len and I...was in juvie where we met. It probably wasn't the best time...honestly we both we already in a lot of pain from various fights and it was his first time..." 

"You don't have to talk about this." Mick shrugged before continuing, his voice shaking a little bit. 

"I can, and you asked and its only far that you know a little bit. I'm not ready to talk about everything but I can talk about this....if you are looking for the first time I was gentle with him, it wasn't until much later. I mean I tried the first time but...prison isn't the best place for making sex comfortable, not that he complained. It was after I came back into his life, he got hurt and after he was feeling a little better, I was gentle. Because I didn't want to hurt him anymore than I knew he was hurting, even if he was saying he was alright. I knew better." 

"It sounds like there was a lot between you two.....I...why are you doing this with me? I'm not him, I am nothing like him, I can't make that pain go away." 

"I don't want you too. I like you Ray, I didn't at first but you aren't as bad as you come off. You talk a lot...but sometimes its nice to listen to, to be distracted and you have so much to say because you are so clever and smart. But you don't have that pain weighing you down, and ....I need this. I need something different. So no, it doesn't matter to me that you aren't him because I want you Ray Palmer." Ray didn't wait for any more of an invitation than that before pulling Mick towards him and kissing him hard. The shocked grunt from Mick, fueled him on, making him slightly braver and he pulled him down on top of him. Wrapping his legs around Mick's waist to hold him there. Mick pulled back from the kiss to look down at Ray, with a questioning expression of his face.

"Fuck me Mick. But like gently until I get used to it then you can go crazy." Nodding Mick smacked at Ray's legs gently to get him to let go long enough for him to go through the dresser next to the bed and he pulled out some lube. He didn't really use it a lot but it seemed like a good opportunity to do so. Ray watched as Mick coated his fingers and moved back over. One hand moving along Ray's thigh as he slowly pushed a finger into him, waiting till Ray adjusted before adding another. The burn of pain passed when Mick arched his fingers a certain way, brushing over the nerves that felt like sparks through Ray's body. He whined as he arched his hips, trying to get that feeling again, earning chuckle from Mick. Who focused on that spot, making the younger arch and squirm, nails digging into the sheets as low moans fell past his lips. Mick slowly removed his fingers before taking the lube and pouring some into his hand before rubbing it along his length, watching Ray with eager eyes as he did.

"Fuck Mick..."

"That's the plan." Mick leaned over Ray, leaning close enough to trail his lips along the shell of his ear and down along his jaw. Lining himself up, and pushing slowly into Ray, hands moving to his hips, rubbing them softly as a distraction. Swallowing the small pained sounds as he kissed him deeply, tongue playing over his. Waiting for Ray's permission once he was fully in, feeling how tight the grip Ray had on his arms. "Breath Raymond and relax." Ray nodded, his grip loosening as he realized how tightly he was holding on. Running his fingers along Mick's arms feeling the muscle and tracing the patterns he could see.

"I'm good, you can move." He squirmed slightly, wrapping his legs tighter around Mick. The pyro moved his hips at a slow pace, aiming for that spot and when he found it, Ray let out a loud moan. Nails dragging across skin when Mick picked up his pace slamming harder into him and loving the sounds that he was receiving for it. Ray couldn't decide between just moaning Mick's name, to throwing in a curse or two or rambling about something that Mick could barely understand. Mick leaned his forehead against the younger's as he moved his legs further up his back to sink in deeper. Ray wasn't quiet by any means, but Mick was sure that the resounding scream of fuck was loud enough that everyone on the entire waverider heard him. 

"You like that boy scout? Like having me deep in you? Want more?" Mick growled, slowing down his hip with a teasing smirk on his face. Ray whined, hands gripping for purchase as he tried to get Mick to move his hips again. "Come on beg for me...use your words, I know you have plenty of them."

"God please Mick! Please just fuck me...god I want you!" Ray emphasized every other word by trying to arch his hips up, and slamming his lips against the other's. It worked fairly well as Mick's hips moved back against the light movement of his. Mick couldn't get enough of the taste of Ray's tongue against his and gave into the begging, letting his hips pick up a faster and a harder pace. Both men's moans mixed in with the sound of skin slapping into each other. Between breathes and sloppy kisses Ray managed to get out pleads of more and harder before he found it too hard to talk and gave into holding on tight. Mick could feel how wet Ray was when his thrusts brought their bodies close enough to feel Ray's length hit his stomach. Reaching down, he wrapped his fingers around him, stroking roughly in time with his thrusts. 

"Shit, ah I'm close...God do not stop!" 

"Gonna come for me darlin'? Gonna come screaming my name?" Ray's body arched up, his heels digging tightly into Mick's lower back as his orgasm washed over him. Not sure if it was from over stimulation or just the way Mick was talking. He was going with a mixture of both. His hands moved down to grip with back of Mick's head and pull him into a breathless kiss to swallow the cries and moans that he had no control of. Mick's hips stuttered as his own release followed shortly after and he slammed deep into Ray panting heavily into the kiss. Mick recovered first, pulling out and laying out next to him still trying to catch his breath while grinning. It didn't take long for Ray to notice the grin and he blushed before slowly moving to lay out on his side. Okay yeah he was going to feel like for a couple hours at the least. He wasn't sure what to do now so he stared at the pyro and let his eyes trace over the tattoo on his chest.

Now that he the time to look it over fully, it was beautiful. It was a dragon that went over the expanse of his chest and the tail looked like it wound down along his left arm. His fingers moved before he thought to ask and he traced his fingers over it, feeling the scar tissue underneath. "Is this from the fire?" When they had picked up Mick, they had all seen the fire but no one had said anything about it. Ray had wanted to ask for a long time now. 

"No, its not. Its from an incident in prison and various other fires that I have been around." Mick adjusted so Ray could lay on his chest and wrapped his arms around the younger man. "Maybe I'll tell you about them....another time." 

"So this is more than sex then?" 

"I thought that was what you wanted....I didn't take you for just sex." Ray smiled as Mick rumbled and his heart beat loud in his ear. 

"Yeah I just wanted to make sure." Ray's mind was a million places right now and surprise was a big one. Yes he wanted more but he was surprised that Mick seemed alright with that. It was what he had been hoping for but everything with Len....he just didn't want to push. 

"Go to sleep haircut...shut down your brain for a little bit." Ray didn't bother a response, letting himself fall fast asleep in Mick's warmth.


End file.
